


Fate or You?

by TheDalmatian



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguments, Break Up, Dan and Phil are NOT soulmates, Established Relationship, F/M, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, See chapter notes for more, Temporary Break Up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-03-31 14:42:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13977276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDalmatian/pseuds/TheDalmatian
Summary: Soulmate AU where when you touch your soulmate for the first time, it leaves a mark on both of you. Of course, you only have skin contact with a limited amount of people in your life, so plenty of people never actually manage to find out who their soulmate is.Dan is one of those people who has long accepted that he will never find his, but he's okay with that. He's in a long term relationship with his boyfriend Phil, and even though it's not always perfect, the two of them couldn't be happier. That is until after nine years of being together, fate decides to stack the deck against them and they both meet their soulmates less than a week apart.Will they throw away what they have carefully built up together over the years and go with their destined partner? Or is the time they've spent together worth more than the person that would complement them perfectly?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [Phandom writing challenge](https://phanfichallenge.tumblr.com/) (The Trope Challenge)!
> 
> There will be some (plot relevant) sexual scenes, but I will mark them with inclined text so you can skip that passage if you don't want to read that and stick to the rating of the fic (the plot relevant parts will be summarized in the text after).
> 
> I'm always happy about any kind of feedback, so don't hesitate to comment :) The challenge was to write a trope fic with a twist to it, so my twist on the soulmate AU is that DnP are not actually soulmates and having to fight against falling in love with their actual soulmates, since I haven't seen that before. But please be honest and tell me if you've actually read this lots before, then I'll remove this from the challenge (but I'll still continue the fic, don't worry!).
> 
> This fic is unbeta'd, so I apologize for any mistakes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Warnings:** Starts with fluff and ends with angst, but no break up yet. Also there's no sex scene in this chapter, so no need to be cautious here.

“PHIL!!”

Dan opened the door to their shared bedroom with a jerk, letting it slam against the wall with a loud bang.

“Hmmm?” was the only, still very sleepy response he got.

His boyfriend lay sprawled out across the bed, tangled in both their duvets, his raven-black hair messy and sticking out in all directions. The sound he'd just made was the only sign that he was not asleep anymore, at least not entirely, as his eyes remained closed and the side of his face was still buried deep in his pillow. Even after nine years of being together, Dan still thought the view of his sleeping boyfriend was the cutest and purest sight ever. But not right now. Not when he was mad.

“Phil open your eyes and look at me!”, Dan insisted, anger in his voice.

It was probably because of that furious undertone that Phil realised Dan was serious. He blinked, his brain still drowsy and disoriented, but then his eyes found his boyfriend and gave him a questioning look. Dan knew that without his glasses, Phil could hardly even see him. But now that he had his attention, Dan couldn't hold back his words any longer.

“Did you eat my cereal again?” he demanded, looking down on Phil from where he stood at the foot of the bed.

“Uuuuh...” Phil blinked again, clearly having trouble to focus on reality after he'd been snapped out of his dream world so abruptly.

Dan didn't wait for his answer. “Because it's _empty_ again, Phil. And I'm very sure that when I had some _yesterday_ , there was still enough left for at least another day”

Phil, knowing what this was about now, had closed his eyes again and sunk back into his pillow. “Uuuh”, he made the same noise as before, “...maybe?”

Dan gritted his teeth. Of course he had known that Phil had done it, hell, it was hardly the first time his boyfriend had taken his cereal without asking. But the complete lack of interest from the still very sleepy person was driving him crazy.

“I've told you about a billion times already”, he ranted, “I hate it when you take my cereal. And I've also told you that I hate it even more when you finish it without telling me, so that I'm left with nothing when I want to have breakfast in the morning.”

“I'll buy you new cereal” came the mumbled reply, damped by the pillow Phil's face was pressed against once again.

“That's not the _point_ ”, Dan retorted, almost yelling now. He left his place near the bed and stomped over to the closet, channelling his anger into the task of finding something to wear, but kept his words going anyway. “The point is that I have a meeting this morning, which you should _know_ if you listened to me yesterday, and I don't have time to get a decent breakfast somewhere else before.” He picked an outfit and started changing, not minding that Phil would see him almost naked – if he actually opened his eyes again that was – even though he was this mad at him right now. After nine years they were comfortable enough around each other even in their worst moments, like right now, when Dan felt like he'd rather toss his boyfriend out of the window than to be intimate with him. “So I suppose”, he continued while fighting with one arm of his oversized jumper “I'll just have to go to work hungry today then.”

“You can have my cereal”, Phil said, voice already slightly more awake than before.

“I don't want your cereal”, Dan snapped back, aware that he sounded a bit childish but he was still too mad to care.

Phil had actually opened his eyes again and looked right at Dan through loose strands of his messy fringe.

“I'm sorry”, he admitted – finally – in a soft and calm voice. “I'll buy you new cereal today and make up for it, I promise.”

His voice, combined with the absolutely adorable look in his eyes, was enough for Dan's anger to dissipate. Still, he felt not quite ready yet to forgive his boyfriend, no matter how irresistible he looked with his ocean blue eyes locked on Dan.

“Right”, Dan just said, much calmer than before but still a bit snappish, “Well, I'll be off to work now.” Done with changing he grabbed his phone and made his way towards the door. “I'll be back around five.”

“Alright. Have a nice day. I love you!”, Phil shouted after him when Dan was already in the hallway.

“Thanks” was all he shouted back, too stubborn to add an 'I love you, too!' after he'd been so mad at his boyfriend only minutes before. He knew it would be fine, though. Phil was patient and knew him well enough to understand that Dan loved him no matter what, even when he had his moments of being short-tempered and headstrong. He would apologise later, Phil would apologise again, too, and they would spend their evening cuddled up together, just enjoying each others company. Maybe have some make-up sex, cliché as it was. That's how it always went after their fights. It maybe wasn't perfect, but Dan wouldn't have it any other way.

He left the house and made his way to the subway station. It was still early, the bloody meeting being the only reason he was already out. On his way he passed several cafés, catching the smell of croissants and scrambled eggs. His stomach grumbled but he didn't have time to sit down and eat anything or he would be late. In spite of his hunger, he could no longer feel mad at Phil about the situation. His boyfriend might have some problems with controlling his love for food sometimes and yes, that could be annoying. But he had plenty of other qualities to make up for it.

It was in the subway, squeezed between other commuters going to work, that Dan finally felt sorry enough to apologise. He reached for his phone and typed out a message.

 **You:**  
_I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to get that worked up about the whole cereal situation_

The reply came almost instantly.

**Phil <3:**  
_I'm sorry, too. I forgot you had a meeting today. I don't want you to go to work hungry :'(_

**You:**  
_it's okay. I'll grab a coffee and something small from the starbucks at the station so I'll be fine_

**Phil <3:**  
_Yay \o/ Make sure to eat lunch, too, but not too much, I'll have dinner ready when you're back. Also, let's watch a film tonight, you can choose which one._

Dan smiled. It was exactly as he had expected, but still, it made him feel all warm in his stomach. In moments like this, Phil almost seemed too good to be true and Dan felt like it was impossible that he wasn't actually his soulmate.

As a child he had always dreamed about finding his soulmate one day. He'd had the wildest, most romantic fantasies about the moment their skins would touch for the first time and the most beautiful tattoo would appear on both of them, as everlasting as the love that would connect them for all eternity. When he'd been a young teenager, he'd started to initiate those scenarios; 'accidentally' bumping into people, picking their stuff up and letting their hands touch in the process, or going to the cinema and reaching for the popcorn at the same time. Nothing had ever happened. Over time, he'd become more impatient. He'd started to do less and less of a build-up and just went straight for touching as many people as he could (in an appropriate and consensual way). But that had never lead to a beautiful mark decorating his skin either.

He had been eighteen years old when he'd met Phil. He'd visited a music store to buy a copy of the latest Muse album, only to see a young man with long, straight, black hair – a haircut that he would have _died_ for at that time – taking the last CD right before his eyes. He'd audibly groaned, maybe a bit too loud, as the man had turned and suddenly deep blue eyes had stared right at Dan with a curious expression.

Dan had blushed and quickly explained: “Er, I just... I've been after that exact album and it looks like you just got the last copy there is.”

The other man had smiled, his eyes had lit up with so much sincerity and friendliness that Dan had been taken aback.

“Oh! Sorry!”, the man had chuckled awkwardly, but somehow it had been very endearing, “You know, usually I would give that to you, but since this is Muse... Sorry, I just have to listen to that.”

Dan had not been sure why the other man would apologise for not giving him the album that he'd rightfully obtained, but he'd felt the need to add: “Oh, no, I completely understand. I'm like their biggest fan ever and that album must be great, judging by how fast it has sold out.”

“Well, you can't be, 'cause _I_ am their biggest fan, but yeah, otherwise I agree, I heard that album is amazing.”

Following that had been a lengthy discussion about who loved Muse more, both of them showing off all their detailed knowledge about the band and their music – where Dan had had to admit that Phil had seemed to actually know just a little bit more. It had turned into a discussion about their taste in music in general and from there it had just taken off.

Dan still didn't know how they'd ended up talking about video games or how they'd found themselves in the café nearby. But what he clearly remembered even though it was more than nine years ago was the way the stranger – Phil, as he'd introduced himself – had made him feel. Not even in his cheesiest childhood dreams about his soulmate had he dared to describe them as someone with a smile that would shine brighter than the sun and eyes that would contain the entire universe. But that was exactly what he'd thought of Phil in the hours they sat across from each other in the small café, chatting and laughing.

The day had ended with exchanging their full names to find each other on Facebook later and a promise of Phil to invite Dan over sometime soon to let him listen to the Muse album. When they'd stood outside, about to part ways, Dan had extended his hand for Phil to shake. His heart had beaten harder than ever. Never before had he been that sure that someone would be _the one_. Phil had taken his hand – and nothing had happened. A huge wave of disappointment had crashed into Dan, and he'd held Phil's hand for longer than usual, squeezing hard to make sure their skins had really truly touched. He'd waited, but his hand had remained as blank and uninteresting as before. He had seen his own feelings of frustration mirrored in Phil's sad eyes. And that had been the moment that Dan had decided to screw fate and its soulmate bullshit. And he'd never regretted that for a single day in the past nine years of his relationship.

Dan almost missed his stop, too deep into the discussion with Phil on his phone about what film they should watch that evening, because even though Phil had said he'd let Dan decide, he was not content with any of his choices. Dan couldn't help but smile fondly at how much of a child his boyfriend could be at times.

Careful not to drop his phone he squeezed out of the tube and made his way to the station's Starbucks, his life saver in situations like this. While waiting in line he checked his phone once again to find three new messages from Phil.

 **Phil <3:**  
_No, Dan, no._

 **Phil <3:**  
_We've watched the notebook at least twelve times already_

 **Phil <3:**  
_Don't you think we need something light tonight? Something that will not make us cry?_

Dan grinned and typed his response.

 **You:**  
_it's a classic and I will watch it until the day I die. or until we both die in our bed together <3_

 **Phil <3:**  
_Awww <333 But still no._

 **You:**  
_rude. what do you want to watch then?_

 **Phil <3:**  
_How about we watch Thor?_

 **You:**  
_yeah right, as if we haven't watched that a billion times already_

 **Phil <3:**  
_Well, definitely not as much as the notebook?!?_

 **Phil <3:**  
_Besides you love watching Tom Hiddleston, don't deny it!_

 **Phil <3:**  
_It's set, we're gonna watch Thor tonight_

Dan sighed and shook his head. “This guy”, he muttered under his breath, but not quite able to stop grinning. Noticing almost too late he was at the very front of the line now, he put his phone away and stepped forward to place his order, deciding on a coffee and a pistachio muffin to get him through the first few hours of the day.

“Good choice”, the tall, blonde cashier said and flashed him a bright smile before typing in his order. “That'll be 3.34£, please.”

Dan hastily went through his pockets in search of his wallet, cursing himself for getting so distracted by his boyfriend that he had to make everyone wait now. When he finally found it he noticed that, to his horror, he barely had any cash with him and was left with scrambling through his change to find enough to pay the small amount. When he'd finally gathered enough coins, his face was flushed bright red. The very patient cashier however just flashed him another bright smile and extended his hand to receive the money. Dan let the coins drop in his open palm, the tip of his fingers brushing awkwardly against his skin. And that's when it happened.

It was like pricking your finger on a needle, but instead of pain it was a hot feeling of... joy? Excitement? Something strange yet somewhat familiar burst through Dan's veins, as if he'd just encountered something that he'd been waiting for his entire life. Or... someone.

Realisation hit Dan as he stared at his hand, where dark lines had started appearing at the tip of his fingers, spreading slowly towards the bottom, leaving the skin burning hot where they had shown up. His head was spinning. With an open mouth he stared over the counter to where the cashier was making big eyes at his own hand, the same lines appearing on the skin of his palm. He looked up, his blue eyes meeting Dan's. Dan could see a mix of surprise, hope and happiness light up in the other man's face.

“Is this going to take any longer? People are waiting you know” an annoyed voice came from behind Dan. It was enough to break the weird trance that Dan and the cashier had found themselves in. The blonde man opened his mouth to say something – and that's when Dan turned on his heel and ran.

He literally ran. His coffee and muffin were forgotten, or the money for that matter, he just knew that he had to get out of there as fast as possible, as if getting enough distance between him and that man would somehow undo whatever had just happened. Deep down inside, Dan of course knew exactly what the feeling and the lines on his skin meant and what that made of the person he'd just met. He just refused to think about it.

He thought he the cashier's voice shouting after him when he left the shop and was extremely grateful for the counter that would make it impossible for the other person to follow him. Dan was not planning on letting him catch up should he decide to run after him anyway. He pushed past the people coming from the rails downstairs, an endless stream of bodies flooding against him since now was the main time for people going to work and Dan got many angry comments thrown his way, but he didn't care.

He wasn't even sure where he was headed. Just away. A small part of his brain remarked that there was still a meeting he had to attend in less than half an hour, but he violently shut that voice out. He didn't care about his job right now, he didn't even care about the possible consequences of his absence. Something so much more important was at stake now.

He finally regained his senses when his feet came to a halt at the platform. He looked up to see that it was the line that would get him home and he realised that that was exactly where he needed to go right now. Home. To Phil. To make sense of all this mess.

To his relief, a train arrived almost right away and he hastily pushed past the other people to get inside, earning more angry shouts his way. When the doors closed and a certain blonde head was nowhere in sight – and most importantly not in the tube with him – Dan released a breath he hadn't known he'd held.

That man. His... soulmate. Tears were streaming down Dan's cheeks and his body started shaking. He should be happy. Everyone was happy when they met their soulmates. Why couldn't he? But he knew the answer without having to think about is. Because his mind was full of Phil. Every time he closed his eyes the kind face that he'd come to love for so many years appeared in front of him, sweet and ready to give him all his love. And all Dan wanted to do was to give all his own love to Phil. But now another man might ruin it all.

By the time he'd reached his flat, he was a mess. It took him several tries to unlock the door, hands still shaking too much and vision blurry from the tears he tried to hold in, although failing miserably at doing so.

He stepped inside, unsure of what to do or what to say. He hadn't really thought about it on the way back and now he felt almost embarrassed, standing by the entrance without reasonable explanation to why he wasn't at the meeting he'd stressed on so much in their argument earlier that day. It seemed like that had been ages ago.

“Phil?”, he cried out, voice so much thinner and wimpier than he'd intended.

It was his boyfriend's day off, so he should be home, unless of course he was out doing errands, in which case it really _had_ been stupid to just come back like this, like, what had he even been thinking, maybe he should just...

His line of thoughts was interrupted by feet shuffling closer and a black-haired head popping up from behind a door.

“Dan? Why are you...” Phil paused when he saw the shaking wreck that was his boyfriend standing in the hallway. Dan had managed to mostly keep it together until here, but now at the sight of Phil, everything he'd held in so far burst out of him.

“Hey, hey, what is it?” Phil was by his side in an instant, wrapping Dan in his arms and gently stroking his head. “Shh, it's okay”, he continued while never stopping caressing his head, letting Dan cry his eyes out on his shoulder.

Dan couldn't speak. Being with Phil again, breathing his scent and being held tightly by him made everything that had happened in the past hour even worse. His emotions were overflowing with despair. He didn't want this. Phil didn't deserve this. Slowly, dread started to creep up on him, the dread of actually having to tell Phil about the situation. And inevitably hurting his boyfriend's feelings in the process.

He barely registered Phil leading him to the lounge and being sat on the sofa. His head never left the shoulder that was already soaked with tears, but thankfully Phil's soothing touch and calming voice never left him either.

After what felt like forever, his bawling turned into sobs, then into hiccups, then into unsteady breaths that were the greatest expression of feelings that he was capable of anymore. He still refrained from moving just yet. Phil, knowing him all too well, didn't push him even though his crying had stopped, giving him time to recollect himself.

Dan still didn't feel ready to talk, he'd much rather freeze time and stay in this embrace forever, his perfect little space where everything was okay and the outside world didn't exist. But he realised that he couldn't keep running from facing reality forever and since he would never truly feel ready to, he might as well get it over with.

With one deep breath he detached himself from Phil, sitting back so he was facing his boyfriend, but his eyes remained too shy to look at him so he stared at his lap instead. Despite the small distance between them now, Phil kept his hands on Dan, rubbing the side of his arms in slow, steady movements.

“You're fine, Dan”, Phil still kept going, “Everything is fine. I'm here.” Then, after a pause he added: “Do you want to tell me what's wrong?”

Phil brushed a loose strand of curls off Dan's forehead. That little action alone was enough for Dan to almost tear up again. But he contained himself, if only for Phil because he deserved to know the truth.

“I...”, he started with a shaking voice, not sure how to go on.

But Phil just kept rubbing his arms, non-verbally signalising him that it was okay to take his time.

“I was at starbucks and there was this guy and he...” Dan started trembling again when the memory came back to him.

“Did someone assault you?”, Phil asked, voice hard suddenly, with a hint of anger.

Dan violently shook his head, although Phil's voice made his determination to talk shrink even more. Phil was right to be angry, but for an entirely different reason.

“No, no, that's not it. It was the cashier when he... I mean I didn't even look at him you know I just wanted to get my coffee and a muffin you know... and I gave him the money... and I was still thinking about you and our texts and then... and then...”, he rambled, unable to finish.

He briefly looked up to see concern and confusion written on Phil's face in equal parts. He took a deep breath and slowly retracted his left hand from where it was pressed against Phil's side. Phil was still looking at Dan's face, expecting the answer to his weird behaviour there, so Dan lifted his hand until it was right between their faces, forcing Phil too see it. To see _it_. Dan's eyes glanced down again, not bearing to watch Phil's expression.

They were sitting close enough however for Dan to feel Phil's whole body tense. Neither of them said a word or even moved for an entire minute. Silent tears started running down Dan's cheeks again. He didn't know what to do, as if showing his soulmate mark to Phil had taken all his willpower and now he was just left to wait for the other person to react.

The first thing that happened again was Phil retracting his hands from Dan's arms, making Dan feel strangely alone all of a sudden although they were still sitting as close as before. But only seconds later the hands were back, touching Dan's hand that held the mark now, carefully, like Phil was inspecting an alien object. It made Dan feel horrible.

“It's beautiful”, Phil said after a while, voice thick with a tone that Dan had never heard before. It was like they already started estranging from each other.

“No”, Dan said determinedly, clenching his hand to a fist and pulling it out of Phil's loose grip. “No”, he repeated, shaking his head again as if that was how to resolve everything. “Don't say that”, he whispered.

“Well, congratulations then”, Phil said sadly and that finally made Dan look at his face again. His face was a mask, stiff and showing only a tiny, sad grin. It was only because Dan had known Phil for so long that he knew this was how Phil hid his deepest, most desperate feelings.

“No”, Dan couldn't help but repeat, because somehow this small word described best how he felt. “No, Phil, I don't want this.”

Phil gave him a weak smile. “We always knew this might happen one day. But I want you to know that I wish you and your soulmate all the best and I hope you'll be happy...”

“ _No!_ ”, Dan interrupted in his angriest voice yet. He looked Phil straight into the eyes, seeing the confusion there, so he cupped Phil's cheeks with both hands, bringing their faces closer together. Without breaking eye contact he whispered: “I'm not gonna leave you Phil.”

Phil's confused expression only got bigger. “But Dan”, he stuttered, “your soulmate...”

Dan stroked his thumb over Phil's cheekbone, his lips, caressing everything within its reach. This was _his_ Phil. This was what he wanted. He knew that now, more than ever before.

“When I said I don't want this”, he continued, “I meant it. I don't care who my soulmate is. I love you Phil. And I couldn't imagine spending my life with anyone else. I knew you would do the same if you were in my place...” At that point, Phil averted his eyes, looking down, almost embarrassed. Dan swallowed, but pretended not to notice. This was not the time for arguments. Everything he loved was at risk. “Let's just pretend this never happened”, he pleaded, “Let's just pretend I was out of my mind this morning and got a weird tattoo on my hand. Nothing has to change.”

Finally, Phil made eye contact again. “I... I don't know, Dan”, he said slowly, “can we really continue like nothing's changed? What will you tell your soulmate?”

Dan shook his head, tears turning his vision blurry again. “I don't even know him. I don't know his name, I don't have his number, I barely remember what he looked like. As long as I don't evergo to that Starbucks again, he won't be part of my life at all.”

Phil shifted uncomfortably in Dan's light grip on his face. “I... Do you really think this could work?”, he asked, doubtfully.

“Yes”, Dan answered without hesitating, “Yes Phil. Just give us another chance, please. I promise I'll make this work. I'll prove to you that our relationship is stronger than the universe and whatever it had planned for us. Please, just...” He started sobbing again, angry at himself that he wasn't able to hold it back.

Phil started making soothing sounds again, placing his own hand over Dan's at last and started to gently rub his own thumb over Dan's skin.

“It's okay, Dan”, he said, probably more out of reflex upon seeing his boyfriend so upset, “It's okay. We'll... We can try.” He gave a faint smile and pulled Dan in for another hug that he gladly accepted. “We will try to continue our relationship and just see how it goes.”

His words were anything but reassuring, but Dan was determined that he would make it work.

“Thank you”, he whispered against Phil's shoulder, his favourite spot to hide his face when he was feeling low.

When he eventually drew back, Dan poured all of his confidence into his words again: “Nothing is going to change. We won't even remember this... this situation anymore by next week. I promise.”

Phil smiled and Dan smiled back.

However, he knew his boyfriend too well to not see the hint of doubt in his eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with another chapter, sorry about the long wait! I promise I'll definitely write the entire thing, it just might take me a while...
> 
> This chapter is a rollercoaster, be warned!
> 
> Huge thanks to my amazing beta [PhilTrashNo164](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhilTrashNo164/pseuds/PhilTrashNo164) who helped me to write proper British English! Be sure to check out her fics, too!
> 
> **Warning:** This chapter contains an explicit sexual scene. Personally I recommend reading it because it adds to the story and tells you more about their relationship, but if you don't want to read it (which is totally fine, the raiting is Teens and Up after all), just skip the passage that is written entirely in cursive. Everything plot relevant is explained afterwards. The explicit part in this chapter contains handjobs, blowjobs and some light choking.

Dan did everything he could to continue their relationship exactly as it was. However, at times it felt like Phil did everything to avoid exactly that.

On the surface, it seemed like nothing had ever changed. They still spent their free time together on the sofa doing nothing, they still cuddled a lot, they still exchanged small pecks on the lips whenever the situation allowed it.

But it was the small differences that showed Dan how much that soulmate issue affected Phil.

There were no more spontaneous hugs from behind. It was one of Dan's favourite things that Phil did whenever he entered the same room Dan was in. Just the sudden feeling of warm hands and arms wrapping around him when he least expected it – or even when he _did_ expect it but needed the comfort anyway. It had always made Dan feel so special, like Phil was there for him even in moments when he felt alone.

But now Phil would just walk past him, maybe flash a small smile in his direction. It was like he'd become less eager to touch his boyfriend which made Dan feel lonelier than he'd thought. Especially since he hadn't expected do without these random hugs at some point for years.

It wasn't the only thing that had changed, though.

Dan made sure to tell Phil “I love you” as often as possible. It was his most direct way of showing Phil how much he cared about him and their relationship, and not that stupid guy from Starbucks who just so happened to be his soulmate.

Phil still answered “I love you, too” every time. But something about the way he said it had changed. As if he couldn't believe the words from Dan anymore, his reply had become hollow. Like a set phrase that he was supposed to say, a lie to respond to a lie. It was hard to bare for Dan, especially since he meant his own words every time he said them.

And lastly, there was the fact that they hadn't had sex in days. Ever since Dan had come back that morning Phil had been a bit distant, which showed in many different ways. His refusal to react to any of Dan's advances however was probably the most frustrating part of it.

Of course Dan respected Phil and he would never push further if Phil didn't feel like being intimate with him. Hell, he would even abstain from sex for the rest of his life if Phil wanted him to. But right now his entire relationship was on the line. Just how could he convince Phil that he still wanted him and _only_ him if he always pushed Dan away?

Dan hated the whole soulmate thing more than ever. How could it be that everyone was so obsessed with _the destined one_ and insisted that there could be no one else?

The day when _it_ had happened, Dan had stayed at home for the rest of the day, mostly in Phil's arms because he'd needed the solace. He'd never even called his workplace, just showed up the next day again with no more explanation than the mark on his arm.

He'd expected to get in trouble and at first he did get shouted at. But when he'd shown his new tattoo and explained that he'd met his soulmate that day, his boss' discontent had turned into understanding and all Dan got was a reprimand to at least call if something kept him from coming.

Soon enough, the whole office had known. They'd smiled at him. Some had congratulated him. Everyone had seemed excited for him because he'd met his perfect partner. The worst time was when his colleague Sarah had even told him that “it’s too bad since Phil was such a nice guy, but lucky Dan gets someone even better now”.

It had made Dan sick. How they'd all acted like of course Dan would just dump Phil now. Like he meant nothing to him anymore now that he'd met is soulmate. And the worst part was that Dan had had to pretend to be just as excited as them as to not get in trouble for missing an entire day of work.

It had been five days since the incident and Dan was at his wit's end. It was a Saturday and they both had the day off. He was sitting on the sofa in the lounge while Phil was in his own room and had closed the door behind him. Dan wanted nothing more than for him to come out of there, wrap his arms around him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. But of course, it was not gonna happen.

Dan stared down at his left hand where it was rested in his lap. At first, he had avoided looking at the tattoo, as if ignoring it would somehow make it disappear. As if acknowledging it would only make it more real. He'd never wished that he wasn't left handed more in his life. It would be much easier to not look at his hand if he didn't have to use it all the time.

The black lines covered his entire hand and wrist. Dan thought it was very appropriate that his soulmate tattoo was black, it reflected quite well how he felt about it. The pattern was rather complex, but if you looked closely the lines formed crescent moons that were all connected and adorned with twirls and tiny stars. Dan hated to admit that it was actually quite beautiful.

He looked up from his hand to the wall to his left. It was the physical wall separating him and Phil right now, but the figurative wall between them was much more haunting. Dan wondered what Phil was doing. What he was thinking. Did he want to be with Dan? Did he still believe in their relationship?

Dan clenched his fists and jumped to his feet. Phil wouldn't come out his room anytime soon. He wouldn't try to fix their relationship. It was up to Dan.

He grabbed his jacket, shoes, his keys and a bag. On his way out he quickly texted Phil to let him know he was out.

If he needed to fight for what they had, then god he would fight.

\----------------

Dan was still deep in chopping vegetables and juggling different pots and pans when he heard footsteps behind him. He waited for a bit, but when still no arms wrapped around his waist and no body pressed against his back, he decided to turn around. Phil was standing in the doorway, looking at him.

“Oh”, Phil simply said, “you're cooking tonight?”

“Yes.” Dan's answer was just as short. “You can go back to your room, I'll call you when it's done.”

Phil hesitated. “Do you need any help?”, he asked.

Dan smiled weakly. The atmosphere between them was so much more awkward than he was used to. Maybe the fact that they were standing more than ten feet apart added to it.

“Thanks”, he said and turned his eyes back to the cookbook. “I'm good. I'll call you.”

“Okay”, Phil answered and moved to turn away, but hesitated.

Dan waited for a few seconds and when Phil still hadn't left, he looked back up. Their eyes locked and they kept staring at each other for a while. Phil looked like he wanted to say something. Dan wasn't sure if he wanted to hear it.

After a few seconds, Phil broke the eye contact and left the kitchen at last. Dan heard the room to his door close.

Their relationship was a nightmare right now. He'd never felt so distanced to Phil before. But if tonight went like he'd planned, maybe he could still turn it all around.

\--------------

“Dinner's ready!”

To Dan's great relief, Phil came out of his room almost immediately. Also, his reaction when he came into the lounge was exactly as he'd hoped.

Phil's eyes grew wide at the sight of their best red tablecloth being spread across the table and the two white burning candles that Dan had carefully placed in the middle. As if that wasn't enough already, Dan had also bought a bouquet of different pink and purple flowers and put them in a vase to the side. The light was dimmed, the atmosphere as romantic as Dan had managed without being too cheesy.

Deciding it was still not over the top, Dan pulled out on of the chairs and smiled at Phil, inviting him to sit down.

Still speechless, Phil came over and took a seat, letting Dan push the chair towards the table under him.

“I'll be right back”, Dan whispered into his ear and rushed to the kitchen.

He allowed himself a moment to let out a long breath. He was beyond nervous, so much was at stake tonight, but Phil's first reaction had been good. He hadn't said anything yet, but he didn't need to. Dan could read him well enough to know that he was actually positively surprised.

He grabbed the two plates of food he had prepared and headed back to where Phil was sitting and eyeing the flowers.

Phil turned his head when Dan put one plate in front of him. Dan could see in his eyes that he recognised the food instantly. Of course he did. Even after all this time, how couldn't he?

Before he could say anything though, Dan turned around and headed back to the kitchen again. He quickly uncorked a bottle of expensive red wine before returning to the lounge.

Phil just watched while Dan poured the wine. By now, Dan wished he would finally say something.

The silence stretched as Dan put the bottle to the side next to the flowers and sat down himself, opposite to Phil. Their eyes met over the flickering of the candlelight.

“This looks nice”, Phil said at last, breaking the silence.

When he didn't continue, Dan spoke up, too.

“I thought we deserve something nice after... after this week.”

“Thai Green Curry?”

They exchanged a look that didn't leave a need for words.

Dan lifted his glass and cleared his throat.

“I know tonight is not our anniversary. Still, let's drink to the past nine years”, he said, only slightly nervous. “The best years of my life.”

After a short moment, Phil reached for his own glass. A small smile had appeared on his lips.

“To our relationship”, he responded. The words were unexpected and a warm feeling appeared in Dan's stomach. 

Their glasses clinked. Dan took a sip of his wine which only further stimulated the warm feeling that started to spread through him.

Their small talk while eating was not awkward. It was amazing how even if they had nothing to talk about, they could still make each other laugh. Dan felt lighter than he had in days and it was not because of the alcohol.

After a while, their conversation quieted down. Phil stared at a chilli pepper on his plate and only half-heartedly attacked it with his fork.

“I still remember the first time we ever had Thai Green Curry together”, he said all of a sudden, gaze locked on the vegetable that continued to escape his attempts to impale it.

Dan swallowed, not really prepared for the turn their conversation had just taken, although he had anticipated it.

“You made this for me the first time I came over to your place”, Phil continued, seeming lost in thoughts that dated back nine years ago. “Your family wasn't home and we spent the entire day fooling around, joking, playing Mario Kart, listening to music...” Phil's hand movements had stilled. “And then you made us Thai Green Curry for dinner. I wanted to help but you insisted that you wanted to make this for me. It was... good although I would say your cooking skills have improved since then.” Phil smiled weakly. “I had a grain of rice on my lip and you leaned over to pluck it away.” He paused. “Your eyes in that moment... they were so... open and honest... and I knew. I just knew. And then...”

“And then you kissed me”, Dan finished it for him.

Something in his chest had tightened while Phil had retold that story. It was one of his most precious memories and hearing it now while things were so bad made him realise even more how much he missed the good times. How much he needed to get back to them.

“And then I kissed you”, Phil confirmed. “And we spent the rest of the evening cuddling and kissing. I didn't care about anything else in that moment. About soulmates” His courage seemed to leave him at the last word but he quickly recovered. “I just wanted there to be you and me. Forever like that.”

Dan swallowed. His eyes started to burn. He did his best to hold back the tears though. Crying was not what would save him tonight.

“And it can still be like that”, he said with utter conviction, “we still have each other. We haven't lost anything. Please”, he swallowed again, “Please Phil, look at me.”

Phil actually looked up and Dan could see the tears glinting in his boyfriend's eyes as well.

“If you can just see that”, Dan continued and he didn't care about how much it sounded like begging, “We can still have everything we wanted since that day. Please, Phil.”

Now there really was a tear running down his face, but he didn't care. It didn't matter because it just underlined how he felt. It was okay, because Phil's face had started getting wet, too.

“I... I really want that to be true”, Phil stammered eventually.

It was not the answer Dan had hoped for. But neither was it a dead end.

Dan smiled encouragingly at Phil.

“It will be!”

He sounded more confident than he felt.

“Now”, Dan slammed his hand on the table, startling Phil, “Sorry! I'm just... How about dessert?”

Phil smiled back at Dan. It was all he needed as an answer. He jumped from his chair and grabbed their plates, running to the kitchen. The heavy talk must have released some adrenaline in his brain and now he felt extra hyper. His hands were shaking again.

When Phil saw him coming back, he even let out a small laugh.

“Really, Dan?”, he asked, amusement glinting in his eyes. “British Pancakes for dessert?”

Dan carefully put the plates and ingredients for the sauce that he had all balanced in his arms down onto the table.

“I know it's not very traditional after Thai food, but then again it's kind of a Dan and Phil tradition, don't you think?”

“Yeah, definitely”, Phil laughed.

Dan grinned widely.

“In that case”, he said, “would you like more wine with your pancakes?”

\---------------

They were cuddled up on the sofa, happy and full. Phil had his arms wrapped around Dan and they had a film running in the background. Dan didn't pay any attention to it though. For the first time this week, he was happy. For the first time since the _incident_ he could pretend the past few days had never happened, like a hole in time that his memory would always just skip from now on.

He was muffled in Phil's scent, his boyfriend's chin was resting on his shoulder. Everything was just like it should be.

Dan knew he shouldn't push his luck. But there was one thing left that would make this evening perfect. One thing that was still missing until really _everything_ would be as it was before.

_  
Carefully, he took his right hand away from Phil's arm and rested it against his boyfriend's stomach. Phil, not seeing where Dan was going with this, just hummed and leaned his head a little closer to Dan’s._

_Dan let his hand travel lower._

_Phil's breath hitched._

_He let his hand wander over his thighs, gliding down between his legs. Phil's breathing next to his ear had become heavy._

_Encouraged by Phil's response – subtle, but enough for Dan to know his boyfriend was up for it – Dan's hand went straight to Phil's crotch and brushed a thumb over where the fabric was hiding his dick._

_Phil's hands balled into fists, involuntarily clutching at Dan's shirt. His breathing only became more irregular._

_Dan replaced his thumb by his entire hand, palming Phil's cock under his sweatpants. Dan could feel it growing under the soft strokes of his hand. He grinned. Maybe the days without sex had left their mark on Phil, too._

_Dan waited until he heard the first muffled groan coming from the mouth that was now buried in his shoulder. He took it as the signal to really start going._

_Carefully he slipped from his current position of leaning against Phil to the ground between Phil's legs that willingly parted for him, as if Phil had known exactly what Dan was about to do._

_There was a visible tent under Dan's hand on Phil's crotch now and Dan felt himself getting hard, too, just by sheer anticipation. Tonight was about showing Phil how much Dan could offer him, soulmate or not. First it had been his cooking skills, his thoughtfulness and their easy-going, cheerful talking. Now he would show Phil what else his mouth could do._

_He took his hand from Phil's growing erection for a bit and hooked his fingers under the elastic of Phil's sweatpants on both sides. Phil, understanding without a word, lifted his hips to let Dan slide both them and his underpants all the way down to his ankles._

_His newly freed erection stood proudly and Dan couldn't help but smile at the sight of it. Somehow, it lifted a weight that had built up the past few days off his chest. The fact that he could still make Phil feel this way meant that nothing between them was irreparably broken._

_Dan grabbed Phil's hips and the latter scooted closer to the edge of the sofa, making it more comfortable for Dan to lean down and reach his boyfriend's cock with his mouth._

_He placed soft kisses on the tip, the sides, even his balls. Only when he felt like he had adequately appreciated the beauty of this pretty erection that he had missed so much did he slip his tongue out and gently licked it from the base to its tip. He repeated the action from different sides, letting his tongue dance a bit. Phil's cock responded and Dan grinned, resting his lips against the tip once again. Without looking at his face, he knew that Phil had closed his eyes and leaned back his head, fully enjoying the sensation of what Dan was doing._

_“Oh, haven't I missed you!”, he mumbled against the pink flesh and Phil above him let out a small groan._

_Dan grinned even wider. He had a thing for talking in bed, much to Phil's annoyance who really wasn't the vocal kind of person during sex._

_Also, Phil didn't like to be teased as much as Dan enjoyed teasing him - which on most days wouldn't stop him from doing so, but today was different. Today it was all about making Phil feel good, so he finally opened his mouth and took Phil's dick in._

_The first time he'd ever sucked Phil's dick was the first time he'd ever given a man a blowjob at all and naturally, it had been quite awkward. He had timidly sucked around on the tip, unable to take much of it in, and overall used his hands more than his tongue._

_It had taken time, a_ lot _of time, of them exploring each others bodies, trying out different things, making one step at a time towards finding what they liked and what they were able to give._

_Now, after nine years, his gag reflex was basically non-existent and he was moving his head like there was no tomorrow. Phil's hands were buried in his hair but he didn't push or pull, leaving Dan in full control on speed and rhythm of what he was doing. And he knew what he was doing. His tongue was swirling around Phil's cock like it was the most delicious sweet and he sucked it like he never wanted to taste anything else in his life. Which actually wasn't even too far from the truth._

_Dan paused for a moment with the entire shaft in his mouth, the tip of it down his throat and his nose buried in Phil's pubic hair, choking himself on Phil's dick. He started kneading Phil's ass with his hands which were still on Phil's hips to steady himself to make up for the lack of movement. Eventually he had to pull back, panting and teary-eyed, but quickly recovered and restarted his movements._

_He loved this. Phil might not be into the same things as him all the time, but during their long relationship they had worked out ways how they could both enjoy sex equally. Phil never wanted anything but sweet, vanilla sex, but Dan had figured out a way to include some of his kinks into their sex life without making Phil uncomfortable._

_After deepthroating a few more times, Dan decided to stretch out the fun a little – at this rate Phil would come much sooner than Dan was willing to stop._

_He let go of his boyfriend's cock but immediately replaced his mouth with his hand because he knew Phil hated when the attention on his cock got interrupted. He gave it long, sensual strokes while taking his mouth and tongue to further explore his body._

_He first stopped by Phil's balls, taking one of them in his mouth and gently sucking on it, which earned him another moan from Phil whose hands had left Dan's hair, leaving him more freedom to roam around. He didn't stay there for long though, knowing the inner thighs were much more sensitive to Phil during sex than his balls._

_He traced his tongue over the pale skin, kissing and nibbling until he found a spot that he particularly liked and started sucking._

_When he pulled back, a bruise had formed and Dan stared down at it contently, licking it one last time before going on to find another spot to mark Phil._

_Usually he was too impatient to make many hickeys, but today he felt more possessive than usual. Phil was his and he would put so many marks on him that no one, especially not Phil, would ever question it again._

_“Dan!”, Phil moaned above him, a sign that he was getting really into it now._

_Dan grinned against his thigh and kissed the love bite he'd just created._

_“I'll make you feel good, Philly”, he said, “Better than anyone else ever could.”_

_“Dan”, Phil moaned again, the arousal from Dan's words audible in his voice._

_Then, all of a sudden, all his muscles tensed._

_Dan noticed the stiffness in Phil’s body – and not just where he wanted it – immediately, making him pull back in shock. He stared up at his face, about to ask him what was wrong – if_ he _had done something wrong – when he noticed Phil's stare back at him. No, not at him, at a point right next to his head. His own cock._

_Dan followed his gaze – and froze just like Phil had seconds before._

_The hand working on his dick was the left hand. The one with the soulmate mark._

_Dan immediately retracted his hand, like he'd been bitten, and hid it under his own thigh, not caring that the precum on it was ruining his trousers._

_“I'm sorry”, he breathed, “I'll use this hand instead.”_

_He took Phil's dick into his right hand now, working it the same way as before although a bit more awkwardly as he wasn't used to doing it with his non-dominant hand._

_“Dan”, Phil said again, but this time it wasn't out of pleasure. It was hesitant, unsure._

_Dan knew what this tone in his voice meant. He wouldn't accept it just yet, though._

_He moved his hand lower to fondle Phil's balls again and set his mouth back onto the task of pleasuring his penis, sucking and licking it like his life depended on it. His relationship most certainly did._

_“Dan, stop!”_

_He felt soft hands at is shoulders pushing him back, gently but determinately._

_Dan let his boyfriend push him off his cock without fighting back. He wanted nothing more than to prove his worth on Phil's dick, but without his consent, there was nothing he could do._

_He looked up at Phil again._

_“I'm sorry, Dan”, Phil said with a strained voice, “I... I can't do this.”_

_“Just let me finish this”, Dan begged and he didn't care how pathetic he sounded. He knew he probably looked pathetic, too, kneeling on the ground between Phil's legs with swollen lips and messy hair, a mixture of precum and his own saliva running down his chin. “Please, I'm sorry. Let's... let's just pretend we never saw that. I... I can make it up to you.” His voice was shaking too much to be seducing and Dan hated himself for it. “Please, Phil”, he whispered, “Give this another chance. We...”_

_“Dan”, Phil interrupted him softly. “Come sit on the sofa with me.”_

_Knowing he had lost, Dan climbed up on the sofa. The tears that were shining in his eyes now had nothing to do with the previous pleasure anymore._

_Phil took the opportunity to pull his pants and sweatpants back up, covering his already softening cock. Blowing Phil had gotten Dan hard, too, but he couldn’t care less right now.  
_

Dan hated himself for ruining the perfect night. Everything had gone so well, and now his stupid mistake of accidentally letting Phil see the soulmate tattoo had completely ruined the mood. Maybe more.

They both sat on the sofa, but it was no longer the comfortable closeness they both enjoyed. Instead, there was an awkward distance between them that made Dan feel farther from Phil than ever before.

“We could do this, you know”, Dan said bitterly, “if you just tried, we could...”

“I _am_ trying”, Phil said, clearly frustrated, “trust me I am. But this isn't as easy for me as it is for you.”

“Why?”, Dan cried, “What has changed for you? You always knew I had a soulmate. That was _clear_ from the very beginning! Why does it suddenly _bother_ you?” 

“It _bothers_ me now”, Phil retorted, “because I can _see_ it now. Don't tell me you always just accepted our soulmates were out there. We always just ignored this problem and now it has become impossible to ignore.”

His words were like a slap in the face to Dan.

“You know”, he said slowly, “I actually accepted it. I might not have thought about it a lot, but I never cared about soulmates anymore from the moment I met you.”

“Oh, so if the roles were reversed you would not have a problem with me knowing my soulmate?”

“No!” Dan insisted, then paused. An ugly thought made its way into his mind. “If the roles were reversed”, he continued, slowly, “would you have put our relationship above your soulmate?”

Phil avoided his eyes. Dan felt sick.

“It is as it is”, Phil said and stood up, “you met your soulmate and I can't just deal with it. Maybe you could have, but I can't.”

Phil walked around the sofa, about to leave the room.

“So this is it, then?”, Dan asked, tears running down his face for real now. “Nine years and this is just it?”

Phil stopped by the door. He didn't turn around.

“I don't know”, he admitted, his voice nothing more than a whisper. “I... let's just go to bed. Sleep on it. We'll see tomorrow.”

With that, he left. Dan heard a door open and close and was pretty sure it was not the one leading to their shared bedroom.

He kept sitting there for a bit, crying, but Phil didn't come back to soothe him.

\------------------

Dan woke up feeling empty the next day. Phil had slept in his own room that night. It had happened before, during really bad fights, or when one of them was ill and the other had something important coming up and couldn't afford risking infection.

It had always hurt. But Dan had always known that it was only temporary. That they would make up or get better and soon enough they would end up cuddling and kissing in their big shared bed again and everything would be like before.

This time it was different. This time, he wasn't sure if they would ever share a bed again. If he would ever get to snuggle up on Phil at night when bad dreams haunted him, if he would ever feel Phil's soft lips on his again, fall asleep to the knowledge that when he woke up, Phil would be there and he would be _his_ and Dan could always count on him to be there for him and help him and make him laugh and...

Dan hid his face under the pillow and started crying again. The realisation that nothing would ever be like before hit him hard. He'd thought they could get used to the tattoo, but he had been wrong, so terribly, terribly wrong. Whatever would happen now, they could never get back to the way their relationship had been before.

He didn't move when he heard Phil getting ready for work. It was a Sunday, so like the previous day, Dan didn't need to go to work. As usual though, Phil's job at the radio station left him with a different schedule and he was out of the house before Dan could really consider confronting him about yesterday's events.

He got up eventually, feeling miserable and hating everything about his life. He briefly thought about preparing something to surprise Phil for when he got home, but quickly dismissed that thought. He'd done everything he could to try to convince Phil that their relationship was worth it. It was all up to Phil now.

\--------------------

Eight hours later, Dan was sat on the sofa watching TV without paying it any attention when he heard the key turning in the lock. He mentally prepared himself to face Phil again. He didn't know what would be worse; Phil completely ignoring him or continuing last night's conversation and possibly breaking up for real.

He was not prepared for what was actually about to happen. 

Phil burst into the lounge, still with his shoes and coat on. What as most surprising though, was the big, bright smile on his face.

“Dan!”, he exclaimed, more cheerful than anything he'd said in days.

Dan sat there, wide-eyed and shocked. It was such a stark contrast to what he'd seen yesterday, his mind needed a moment to catch up.

Without waiting for a response, Phil sat down and took Dan's hands in his, beaming at his boyfriend.

“Dan!”, he said again and now Dan could hear excitement in his voice as well “Oh, Dan!”

Without a warning, Phil pulled him into a tight hug. Not that he would really need a warning of sorts, he was his boyfriend after all, it was just... Dan had expected anything but _this_.

“Everything is going to be alright, Dan”, came the muffled voice from Dan's shoulder.

It was all Dan needed to recover from his shock. A spark of hope lit up inside him and he hugged Phil back, eager now to hear more.

When Phil pulled back again, Dan couldn't help but be infected by his boyfriend's enthusiasm and lightly grinned back at him.

“Wow”, he said, “you look... different than yesterday.”

Phil shook his head.

“I'm so sorry about yesterday”, he said and Dan almost cried some happy tears. “I was so angry and sad and... probably jealous even. It was so childish of me. I'm sorry.”

“No, it's okay, don't worry about it”, Dan responded softly. He wasn't mad anymore. Everything was going to be alright. He could feel it now.

“Now” Dan cleared his throat and continued, “what made you change your mind?”

Phil sighed.

“Yesterday I thought it was over. That we could just not be happy anymore. That the universe was against us, throwing this soulmate crap at us when we were so content together.” Phil's expression darkened for a moment, but then his face lit up again. “But now I know how much I was wrong. The universe doesn't hate us, it wants us to be happy. That's why it lead us together so we could make each other happy before we met our soulmates.”

Dan's insides turned to ice again. Before... What? Something wasn't right.

Phil just continued.

“The universe wants us to be happy, but not together, at least not together forever. That's why we aren't soulmates. But I want you to know that these nine years were the best of my life so far and I'm so glad we spent them together, Dan. I will never forget them. And I really want us to stay friends.”

“What are you talking about, Phil?”, Dan inquired, feeling sick again. An idea popped into his mind, but he ignored it, shut it out, because it couldn't be, the odds of that happening were way too small, in this world where many people never met their soulmates in their entire lifetime.

Phil smiled and it even looked a little sad, but the excitement outshone everything else.

“We had a great time together Dan. And now we're up for an even better future.”

And with those words he finally shook off his coat to reveal the shirt he was wearing underneath. But it was not the shirt that caught Dan's attention. It was the bright red ink on his arm.

The sight of it crushed all of Dan's newly regained hope. He couldn't do anything but stare in shock and disbelief at the circle of red lines forming a pretty pattern on Phil's right forearm.

Phil didn't even seem to notice how terrible it made Dan feel. He continued to happily chat on, as if his excitement was too much to contain and he needed to share it with the entire world.

“... so you know how it is, Josh was just as annoying as always, telling me I should get these things from the storage room so I did, and I opened the door with a bit too much force maybe, cause you know, I was still so annoyed by Josh because honestly have you heard his laugh, but anyway, I opened the door but then the guest for today's segment was on the other side trying to open the same door and I made her fall but caught her with my arms but when we touched suddenly there was this feeling that I just can't explain but you probably know it, I mean, you felt it, too the other day, but, like, I never thought it would feel this good and we just stared...”

There was one word that ripped Dan out of his line of thoughts and his head jerked up.

“Her?”, he interrupted Phil.

“Yes, her, Jane, my soulmate, you know?”, Phil beamed back at him.

The way he said her name. Jane. Like he'd already known her for his entire life. Dan assumed it was supposed to feel that way with soulmates. To anyone but him, apparently. Because he still couldn't let go.

“So your soulmate is a woman?”, Dan asked, his voice slightly accusing even though he knew it was unfair.

Phil got the hint and his face became stern.

“Yes, Dan”, he said slowly, watching Dan through narrowed eyes, “A woman. What's wrong with that?”

“Nothing”, Dan mumbled and averted his eyes.

“It could have been a woman for you, too”, Phil said, clearly disapproving of Dan's reaction.

“Yes, it could have”, Dan responded shallowly, signalising that he was done with this topic.

Because yes, it could have been a woman. But it wasn't. In fact, from what he remembered about his soulmate, he actually looked a bit like Phil.

Dan had always imagined it to be that way. That they weren't soulmates, but as close to their respective soulmates as possible. That Phil's soulmate was some Dan-clone stuck in some small village he never got out of or another country far away maybe, and therefore Dan was lucky enough to be the next best pick.

Turns out he had been wrong.

There was a pause. The silence between them stretched as neither of them was sure what to say next. It was Phil who spoke up again first.

“You still want to keep up our relationship, don't you?”, he asked quietly.

Dan merely nodded, still avoiding to look at Phil.

“Dan...”, Phil started again and placed his hand on Dan's shoulder. Dan shook it off.

“Dan”, Phil sighed again, clearly selecting his next words carefully.

“I know how much our relationship means to you”, Phil eventually tried again, “because it always meant the same to me. And I know it sounds cruel to just end it like this but... I mean, we don't have to end it right away. Let's just... give it a break. Take the chance to get to know our soulmates. And if it doesn't work out with them, we can still continue our relationship, because then at least we've tried.”

Dan swallowed. He knew Phil had a point and he hated it.

“I don't even know my soulmate. I never got his number. I might never see him again”, Dan pointed out.

“You know where he works, though, and when. You can find him if you want to”, Phil reasoned and again Dan hated him for being right. “Promise me you _will_ try, Dan. It's just like you said a week ago, let's give things a chance.”

Dan hated Phil even more for using his own words against him. There was nothing left for him to argue about. He felt empty, like he'd been sucked dry and robbed of all his feelings because they didn't matter, weren't valid. Fate had other plans for them.

“Alright”, he eventually agreed, his voice no more than a whisper. “I'll try.”

Phil pulled him into another hug that Dan didn't return. Not if it was a possible goodbye.

“I promise things will turn for the better”, Phil reassured him, “and we will be happier than ever.”

Dan wondered what kind of happiness there could possibly be without Phil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written in memory of the amazing video "How to make british pancakes" and features the gentle caress of the inner thigh that we just might see at interactive introverts (or not).
> 
> Sorry for the angst and occasional cheesiness, pls don't hate me.
> 
> I'd love to read your thoughts on this chapter, all kinds of comments are always welcome ^_^

**Author's Note:**

> You can follow me on [tumblr](https://thedalmatian.tumblr.com/) to see when I update (fanfic-only blog).


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